So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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