Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The air was thick with penises
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
