My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
