I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
