Pregnant stripper...not hot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
