can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
love makes seman taste better
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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