very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
FUCK WHALES
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
