You're my little dorito
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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