I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
