sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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