Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am spending my child support on dildos
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
