I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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