Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
