It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
