yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
