so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
