he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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