Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
