2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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