Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
