My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize