The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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