Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
