Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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