oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
