I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize