So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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