I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
