Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
