hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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