It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What a dumb baby whore.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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