your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
