I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
