erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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