i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
