So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize