i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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