Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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