If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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