Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
