Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
