I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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