Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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