the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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