Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
