Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
