Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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