Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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