its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
