I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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