I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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