I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
