I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize