Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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