he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
