im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wish there were birth control emojis
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
