Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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