After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
