I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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