You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
