hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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