My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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