i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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