I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
