The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
