So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
