I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
