I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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