I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
