need another drink. this is the easiest way
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
