If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
