Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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