Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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