yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
