Are we in a gay sports bar?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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