She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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